Tribute to a Friend

My childhood friend Bene -- short for Benedito and pronounced "Benny" -- died seven years ago this week, six weeks shy of his 40th birthday. I'm gonna do something I haven't done on this blog before, which is to repurpose something I wrote for the previous iteration of my blog, at DaveBrigham.com, with some editing.

Last year, this is what I wrote about him:

One of the most honest and upbeat people I've ever known, Bene fought cancer for many years, and even went into remission. But the disease came back strong and shriveled his once athletic frame (he was a hockey player and top-notch golfer) and took him away from his friends and family.

I met Bene in elementary school, and we hung out all the time in high school, along with my buddies Andy, John and the three Steves. After college we saw each other less and less, as I moved to the Boston area and he stayed close to home in Simsbury, CT. But getting together was always easy, as it always has been with my childhood friends.

Bene's wake and funeral were some of the most moving events I've ever experienced. The turnout for the wake was incredible; hundreds upon hundreds of people who'd known him through all phases of his life were there to pay their respects to his parents, brother, wife, two kids and other family members. His wife, with whom I'd also grown up, gave a wrenching eulogy. Where she found the strength, I can't imagine.

Bene will always live on through fond memories: driving around with him and my friends in his forest-green Ford Galaxy 500; playing hockey on the rink at Simsbury Farms; watching him have a blast at The Ramones, a band who he knew nothing about but enjoyed nonetheless; having a great time playing golf, a game from which he derived so much joy, even when he played with a hacker like me; and driving around with him and our friend Andy listening to Elvis Costello, and going to see him a few times at the old Bridgeport Jai-Alai fronton.

I should add that he was a great husband and father, son and brother. He was handy around the house, loved to laugh and had a great sense of humor. The times I think about him most relate to music. Because music is so important to me, it triggers a lot of memories.

Here are some videos and comments about why I picked them to commemorate my buddy. R.I.P. Bene.

As I mentioned, Bene was a big Elvis Costello fan. There are so many songs to pick from, but this is one of my favorites.:

In high school, my friends and I did a lot of aimless driving around the Farmington Valley. Well, not completely aimleess; sometimes we were heading to parties, or the movies, or to mini golf or to Abdow's. At some point, Crosby, Stills & Nash's "Love the One You're With" came on Bene's radio. He had the funniest way of singing along to the "do do do do / do do do do do do" part. I always think of him when I hear this song:

I saw The Ramones four or five times, one time with Bene and a few other friends. Bene was not at all into punk rock, but he was willing to give the band a shot. He had fun at the show, although I'm sure he was making fun of the band and the people in the crowd.

Like so many people in the early '90s, I owned Nirvana's Nevermind. I had never heard of the band before they hit it big, but they certainly fit in well with much of the music I'd been listening to since the early '80s: Husker Du, The Ramones, Naked Raygun, Black Flag, etc.

Despite how widespread Nirvana's popularity was, I was initially surprised on a visit to Bene's apartment that he, too, owned Nevermind. He was into more mainstream music, although I can't remember exactly which bands. But then I thought back to his willingness to go see The Ramones, and I realized it made perfect sense that since he'd obviously heard to much about Nirvana, he figured he might as well check them out.

Finally, for obvious reasons, Elton John's "Bennie and the Jets" has always make me think of my friend, even before he died. On the drive back to Massachusetts after his wake and funeral in 2005, I had popped a mix CD in. About halfway home, the song, as covered by the Beastie Boys and Biz Markie, came on.

I'm not at all spiritual, but the coincidence had me a bit freaked out.

Here's Elton John: