Selective Memory

I've long thought that I have a poor memory, but in working on a memoir about a road trip I took nearly 25 years ago, I've come around a bit to give myself some credit, and feel as though I've learned a bit about how my memory works.

First, let me state that there are times when my memory isn't all that great. My wife will tell me something about an upcoming plan for the weekend, and later that day I'll ask her, "What are we doing Saturday?" She just looks at me and says, "Weren't you listening to me earlier?"

I was listening, but I wasn't concentrating on what she said. Sometimes I truly didn't register the information, and can't summon it. Other times, I'm too lazy to think about the conversation and ask her to repeat what she told me. Occasionally, I'll burn a few brain cells and recall the information.

Unlike a lot of people, I can't blame my distraction on smart phone usage. As of this writing, I'm still living in Luddite Land, with a dumb phone. Rather, I have a hard time focusing on what other people are saying sometimes, instead letting my mind wander to thinking about some random shiny object or song running through my head.

Sometimes I distract myself during a conversation by telling myself, "Hey, pay attention to this!" which of course guarantees that I'm not paying attention. Weird, I know. Maybe it's ADD.

Still, in writing my memoir (working title: "My Four-Month Tour of Duty on the Battleship Patchouli") I've raised more details in my mind than I would've thought possible before I started writing the book.

My primary resources are a short journal and an audiotape that I kept during the trip, as well as two articles I wrote for my hometown newspaper (R.I.P., Farmington Valley Herald) to spark my memory. Still, those resources leave a lot of gaps, especially during our travels across Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas and New Mexico, and our time spent living in Albuquerque.

I've reached out to my road trip buddies -- Andy, Pete and John. As I and listen to and read (via email) their memories of the trip, and as I spend more time writing and researching and thinking about the trip, memories pop up and fill in important spaces in the manuscript.

What valuable nuggets have emerged? Going to the stock car races in Albuquerque, and seeing a Powder Puff competition. Visiting a strip club in New Orleans featuring a girl on a swing. Getting chili-and-cheese hot dogs way too often at 7-Eleven. Riveting stuff? Perhaps not, but all these tidbits help paint a larger picture.

As I've asked questions of my road-mates, I realized they remember some of what I recall, but by no means have better memories than I do. Perhaps it's just because I've spent so much time on this in recent months, or maybe my memory isn't as bad as I thought it was.

I'm having a great time working on the memoir, primarily because it's a fun challenge to put together my history and to analyze who I was in 1988 and who I've become. And secondarily, I find it enjoyable because I've learned to give myself a break when it comes to my historical recall.

Now, please to enjoy Giant Sand covering Johnny Thunders:

Vacation

We spent a week on Cape Cod earlier this month, as we've done for the last nine years. We rent the same house with Beth's parents, her sister and brother-in-law and their son, Max. We had a good time going to a nearby beach, riding on the Cape Cod Central Railroad, visiting the Heritage Museum and Gardens, eating fried food, watching the MLB All-Star Game, going for walks by the salt marsh and riding go-cars and bumper boats. Oh yeah, and drinking beer, margaritas and Old Grand-Dad.

One thing all three kids -- my two, Owen and Amelia, and their cousin, Max -- loved to do together was launch stomp rockets. As you can see, Max knows how to throw himself into it.



Inevitably during our time on the Cape, talk turns to buying a place in Pocasset, the section of Bourne where we rent. The discussion is usually more fantasy than reality, because let's face it, the idea of owning a vacation home is Part II of the American Dream, after owning a primary home.

I'm always the voice of gentle dissent in these discussions. I'm not handy and have no desire to ignore projects around a vacation home in addition to my primary home. I like going to the beach for short periods of time, and am not a boating person. The main reason I cite when trying to dissuade Beth about the prospect of buying a second home, is that I don't want to feel tied to one place for summer vacations.

Growing up, I never thought about my family owning a vacation home. It seemed like something that only rich people did. Although my family didn't travel to faraway locations every summer, we went to some terrific places and had some cool adventures.

Here's a brief list of my favorite spots:

• Montreal
-- we toured facilities from the '76 Summer Olympics, watched an Expos-Padres game and I heard French spoken for the first time


• Washington, D.C.
-- we hit the Smithsonian and a bunch of other museums, as well as the National Mall, the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial


• Grand Tetons/Grand Canyon/Bryce Canyon/Great Salt Lake
-- This was the most wide-ranging trip we took. We flew from Hartford to Flagstaff, AZ, rented a car and spent 10 days (or two weeks?) hitting as much as we could. Some day I'll find the pictures I took on this trip (the first pix I ever took; I was 12). This was the best vacation I ever took.


• Torrington, CT
-- despite the fact that everybody (or most of us) got sick while staying in cabins at what I believe was a YMCA camp, this trip is memorable because I saw "Jaws." That places this trip in 1975, when I was 10.

I envision taking such trips with Beth and the kids, which is why I'm reluctant to get tied down to the Cape. Owen turned 9 in May, and Amelia 4 in June. They'd be able to handle trips like the ones I recall fondly from my childhood. We plan on taking them to Disney World in October, which, while I'm not big on mega-resort experiences, should be a lot of fun.

Other spots I'd love to take the kids in the coming years include:

• New Mexico
-- I lived in Albuquerque for three months after taking a road trip with friends after college. I didn't take the opportunity to enjoy the culture and incredible mountains and other natural wonders out there. I want to visit, and take in Santa Fe as well.


• New Orleans
-- I went there on the same road trip mentioned above and had a great time, albeit a much different time than I'll have with the kids. Watching "Treme" the past two season has given me the itch to soak up the music, food and great atmosphere.


• San Francisco
-- Beth and I spent a few days there long before we had kids. It's a fabulous city.


• Egypt
-- The pyramids, etc.


• Petra
-- A city in Jordan carved out of cliffs 2,000 years ago. 'Nuff said.

There are countless other places around the U.S. and the world I'd love to explore. Beth and I have never been big on travel, but with the kids getting older I think it's time for some adventures. Of course, I still value our time on the Cape each summer, so we'll have to find a balance.