We All Struggle with Something

We name things to help us understand them, and to create a shared knowledge with our fellow human beings. I sometimes get fascinated by language, and trying to figure out how even the simplest of words -- dog, cat, dodecahedron -- came to be. Naming things, however, can put people on a slippery slope. Nobody wants to be defined too narrowly by elements of their character or physical presentation.

Look at me and you might think, "White nerd with glasses." You would be right about that, but there's so much more going on. I play guitar, I love the Red Sox and Bruins, I make terrible "dad jokes," I love Public Enemy and Funkadelic, I love to wander around in strange places taking photos, I have arthritic big toes and a bad hip.

One label I don't mind tagging myself with, though, is person with Attention Deficit Disorder.

More than three years ago, I diagnosed myself with ADD (see November 28, 2018, "ADD Me to the List"). Read the linked post to get the full story on it. I want to reiterate one point, though: realizing there was a name for the collective struggles I had battled my whole life gave me some freedom. I no longer worried that I was crazy or stupid or lazy. Finding the right "tag" for myself was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

In my new memoir, Great/Dismal: My Four-Month Tour of Duty on the Battleship Patchouli, amid the highway hijinks and visits to Graceland, New Orleans and Memphis, the exploration of Albuquerque, the punk rock shows, the flashbacks to college, there is self-analysis. I didn't have as much fun during my adventure as I thought I would, and for years I had no idea why.

During the course of writing the book, I began to put together a better picture of why I struggled, with the light finally shining when I realized I had both ADD and executive function issues. Those two things combined make it difficult for me to plan ahead and stay on task, take things as they come and be more spontanous.

We all struggle with something: hearing loss, flat feet, bipolar disorder, taking care of a sick relative, narcissism, a love of REO Speedwagon. I hope my book will show readers that it's never too late to figure yourself out, and that discovering the name for what you struggle against can be incredibly empowering.

Below is "Cross Bones Style," the only song I know by Cat Power, aka Chan Marshall. She has struggled with mental health issues, so I feel it's appropriate to share her song here.

Please Buy My Book! (Does This Headline Make Me Look Desperate?)

For nigh on a thousand years, I have been working on and talking about my just-released road-trip memoir, Great/Dismal: My Four-Month Tour of Duty on the Battleship Patchouli (see May 5, 2016, "Here's An Excerpt from My Road-Trip Memoir").

I hit the road with three friends in February 1988, traveling in a converted handyman's van. From Connecticut we traveled down the eastern seaboard, and then on through Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi, Tennessee, before entering the southwest. We ended up in New Mexico, where we lived for a few months. In 2008, I wrote about this journey on a predecessor blog; in 2011, I began expanding my story into a book. That book has now been published.

Why did it take me 10 years to finish the book? That's par for the course for me. My first book, (C)rock Stories: Million-Dollar Tales of Music, Mayhem and Immaturity, also spent a decade in development. I'm not the most disciplined writer, that's for sure. But, as I discovered part-way through the process of writing my new memoir, I have ADD (see November 28, 2018, "ADD Me to the List"). That means I struggle to stay on task and organize my thoughts on paper, and I can get easily frustrated when I find things to be difficult.

Great/Dismal underwent a lot of changes from the initial draft all those years ago, to the one I hope you'll consider buying today. Because of my ADD (and executive function issues), I also procrastinate like a true professional. So it's not like I spent 10 straight years working on this book. I would leave it alone for weeks, sometimes even months. And even when I worked on it, sometimes progress was painfully slow. Also, I took my hands off it for a while, sending it to friends and family, seeking their input (see May 15, 2013, "Out of My Hands...for Now").

"What's the book about?" you might ask. It's equal parts Jack Kerouac's On the Road, detailing the adventures my three friends and I had while running amok in America (and also the boring parts), and Madonna's Confessions on a Dance Floor, with its nod to classic-era disco as well as new millennium club music.

Wait, that last part's not quite right.

It's a mash-up of Kerouac's famous book; John Steinbeck's Travels with Charley; the Rough Guide series of travelogues; the very tamest of Charles Bukowski; and a mid-life journey to self-discovery. I write not only about the four-month odyssey I took with my friends, but also about the various inspirations for the trip (National Lampoon magazine, the aforementioned Kerouac, a few free-form trips I took at the end of my college years, etc.). Additionally, I flash back to college and spend a chapter analyzing why I struggled to let my hair down during my adventure.

It's the most intimate thing I've ever written, which is another reason that I took so long to publish it. I don't like to talk about myself and my struggles, so this is a big step for me. I hope that if you buy it (and actually read it) you will connect with some part of it, whether the stupid stuff my friends and I did on our journey, or the struggles I had during the trip. And please let me know what you think, whether by posting a comment here, sending me a text or email or a Facebook message, or writing a review on Amazon, where the book is also available (along with other online retailers. You can also order one via your favorite indie bookseller).

Thanks!

Writing the Wrong

(Illustration credit: Andy Cole, whom I've known since grade school.)

I don't write much on this blog, but my hope is that soon I'll be writing more in general, and perhaps even getting paid for it. As you may know, I concentrate my blogging energies on my other site, The Backside of America. I also have been working on a memoir, on and off for the last eight years (see May 5, 2016, "Here's An Excerpt from My Road-Trip Memoir"). Now, after hemming and hawing for years -- yes, YEARS -- I am ready (I think) to launch myself back onto the paid writing market.

Oh sure, I've talked about this and thought about this and planned for this for month after month after month, always coming up with excuses not to venture out. I'm a stay-at-home dad and my kids need me to focus on them. I've been out of the job market too long and people won't hire me. Something is holding me back that I don't understand (see November 28, 2018, "ADD Me to the List," to read about when I did figure out, at least in part, what was holding me back).

Several months ago, after tinkering around with a professional web site for waaaaaaaaay too long, I launched the new-and-improved DaveBrigham.com. I've owned (well, rented) this domain name for a very long time. I used to blog at that site about my life, my kids, etc. I've now turned it into a place to advertise my talents, and to solicit clients for freelance work. But once I'd published the new version of the site, I just let it sit there. I didn't tell anyone about it. I figured I needed a week or two to get used to the idea of the web site being live. And then I would let my friends and family know and my writing career would pick up where it left off nearly two decades ago.

But no. That's not the way I work. As I wrote in my last post here, the above-referenced one about my having Attention Deficit Disorder, as well as Executive Function Disorder, "I have issues with planning and problem solving; self-motivation; visual imagery; critical analysis; and other things." So instead of just jumping into things, taking life by the horns, I procrastinate and put things aside and convince myself that I'll know when the time is right to make a move. Usually, that time comes when I'm just so sick of having something hanging over my head, and being transferred from one to-do list to another to another to another. That's why I finally began to promote, just a little bit, my writing web site.

I wish I weren't this way. I'm trying to manage my ADD and EFD and feel like I'm doing better in the nearly 12 months since I diagnosed myself and began taking note of who I am and how I operate. My new mantra is "Start living outside your head." I've always been one to think and think and think about stuff, and put off and put off and put off, somehow feeling that researching and planning for my life is just as good as actually living it. But that's not very satisfying.

So if you or someone you know needs help with a writing, editing or proofreading task, check out my web site (again, its DaveBrigham.com). While I haven't worked professionally since doing some freelance work about 17 years ago, I have honed my skills with the Backside of America blogging and working on my memoir. I feel my writing, editing, researching and proofreading talents have never been better.

OK, bye.

ADD Me to the List

I've been sitting on this post for months, unsure whether I wrote it just for myself, or if it was something I wanted to share. I'm not comfortable talking about myself and my struggles, but I realize we all have challenges and I want friends and family to know a bit more about mine.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE

CHANNING TATUM

TERRY BRADSHAW

DAVE BRIGHAM

Is this the cast of the next "Avengers" movie? The lineup for a charity football game? Maybe a few of the next contestants on "Dancing With the Stars"? Good guesses. If you'd asked me eight months ago, I would've said, "I'm on this list because, like the other guys, I am devastatingly handsome and/or skilled in the musical or acting arts, and/or I am an NFL legend."

But ask me now and I'll tell you that this is a list of famous people with ADHD or ADD. And one not-so-well-known guy.

I've known for a long time that I have executive function disorder, even if I only put a name to put it in recent years, in the course of writing my road trip memoir. I have issues with planning and problem solving; self-motivation; visual imagery; critical analysis; and other things. But it was just recently, as I was working on a specific chapter in my long-in-the-works memoir, that I had the epiphany that I have Attention Deficit Disorder -- no hyperactivity, though, so just ADD.

Last fall I subscribed to the email newsletter for ADDitude magazine after realizing that some of the issues the publication covers relate to executive function challenges. I read the updates casually. I didn't pay much attention to the ADD articles.

Earlier this year I began writing query letters for publishers and agents. I did some research during the process, and was struck by one agent's strong suggestion that memoir writers need to get across to publishers and agents just how their book will connect with readers, and with which readers. It's not enough to tell your story, the agent said. You must have a message that will resonate with people.

I'd already worked into my book -- the tale of a four-month road trip from New England to New Mexico and back with three friends -- discussions of how uncomfortable I was at times during our journey, and how I was disappointed in myself for not breaking out of my shell at age 22. But after reading this agent's words, I realized I needed to dig deeper and devote a sub-chapter to what makes me tick or, more often, not tick.

So I paid a little more attention to ADDitude magazine's newsletter and, in particular, a webinar given by Dr. Thomas E. Brown, about emotions and motivation in people with ADD. When he said, "The reality is, that a lot of folks with ADD report that they have a lot of difficulty in managing" frustrations, irritations, hurts, desires and worries, I felt immediately clearer on who I am, and why. My shroud of self-doubt, confusion about why I sometimes act the way I do, and frustration at my moods and lack of self-motivation lifted so quickly, I was stunned. This is when I realized that I have ADD, and obviously always have.

This led me to search for symptoms of people with ADD. The list I found at ADDitude's web site was another major eye opener:

• I have difficulty getting organized.
• When given a task, I usually procrastinate rather than doing it right away.
• No matter how much I do or how hard I try, I just can’t seem to reach my goals.
• I often get distracted when people are talking; I just tune out or drift off.
• I get frustrated easily and I get impatient when things are going too slowly.
• My self-esteem is not as high as that of others I know.
• I’d rather do things my own way than follow the rules and procedures of others.

I put a check mark next to each one. I knew all of these things about myself, but never realized that when combined, these challenges add up to, well, ADD.

So what has this discovery meant for me? I have a new perspective on my entire life. I realize there are explanations for so many things I've struggled with, and continue to battle: social difficulties beginning in 6th grade and continuing up to the present day; difficulty in asking for help or sharing information with people; contributing to complex conversations; finding satisfying work; and so much more.

Simply becoming aware of the reasons for some of my inner struggles has given me greater peace of mind. Nevertheless, I have work to do. And naturally for a person whose very DNA stamps them with procrastination, difficulty reaching goals and getting easily frustrated, pursuing strategies to manage my challenges isn't always easy.

I make lists and talk to myself to keep on task as much as possible. I set small goals and force myself to meet them, hoping that I can work my way up to larger goals. I try harder to pay attention during conversations, but don't get angry with myself if I do. I try to be more patient, but it's hard.

With my relatively newfound self-diagnosis in hand, I spent quite a bit more time reviewing my memoir, to make sure that I am getting across how I struggled during the road trip, and how those challenges continue today. When I started writing the book in 2011, I approached it as more of a travelogue/advice book for high school and college students about enjoying the freedom of the open road. Over numerous drafts and several years, I turned the book into a soul-searching venture, albeit one with plenty of humor (at least I think it's funny....).

I'm almost ready to contact agents and publishers, although since I'm constantly tweaking the memoir to make it as good, and as real, as possible, I may need a bit more time. I need to write a query letter that encapsulates my struggles, gets across how that story can help a certain readership, and relates the hijinks of the trip itself. It's gonna be a challenge, but I'm ready to take it on again. I'm very proud of the book, and feel that I have an important story to tell.