Merry Christmas!

Hit or Miss: Crippled Pilgrims

With a name like Crippled Pilgrims, it has to be good!

Perhaps, just as in the classic "Saturday Night Live" sketch that riffs on the longtime Smucker's advertising slogan ("With a name like Smucker's it has to be good!") with products such as "Painful Rectal Itch," "Nose Hair" and "Death Camp," early '80s D.C. band Crippled Pilgrims figured using a somewhat offensive-sounding name might distinguish them from the crowd.

They certainly sounded different from the artists that were topping the charts in 1984, such as Prince and The Revolution, Tina Turner, Culture Club and Lionel Richie. But they also were out of step with the well-known hardcore bands in their hometown, including Minor Threat, Bad Brains and Government Issue.

Sometimes jangly like contemporaries R.E.M., other times all guitar wanky like Television and yet also known to veer into psychedelia like The Dream Syndicate, singer-guitarist Jay Moglia, bassist Mitch Parker, guitarist Scott Wingo and drummer Dan Joseph put out only one EP and one full-length album in their brief career.

I had never heard of them before flipping through records one day at my favorite record store, Capitol Records (R.I.P.) in Hartford, back in the mid-'80s. The record jacket for Head Down - Hand Out is simple, but the bold lines and lowercase script caught my eye. As with other albums I picked out completely at random -- and which I've written about here and here -- I simply decided the album looked interesting, and I hoped for a return on my investment.

And I wasn't disappointed, especially with Wingo's fretwork.

"Black and White," Head Down -- Hand Out's opener, sets the tone, as Wingo pours forth a hypnotic lead before Moglia can open his mouth. The lyrics aren't all that deep, despite Moglia's serious tone: "When you don't see right / and you're off the track / when you don't see white / you don't see black." But I've never been a guy to care too much about lyrical content, as long as the music holds my attention.

And I'll admit that if Wingo's leads throughout "Black and White" and the band's entire catalog didn't sparkle so much, I wouldn't be writing about Crippled PIlgrims. Now, don't get me wrong: I'm not saying Crippled Pilgrims is on par with Television, or other noodle-heavy bands such as Dinosaur Jr. or Built to Spill.

But Wingo's (do you suppose people made fun of his name because of this?) fluid leads and noodling entice the listener and hint at darkness and mystery.

The second track, "Under the Ladder," is much mellower and more folk-rocky. It's in the same vein as Transformer's "You're Everywhere That I'm Not."

On "People Going Nowhere" the band gets a little bit funky -- but not too much, 'cuz they don't wanna confuse those college boys -- but once again it's Wingo's guitar flavorings throughout that drive the song.

"Out of Hand" is Wingo's biggest showcase. His fretwork is never showy (wow, when I started writing this, I didn't realize it was going to turn into a love letter to Scott Wingo). I like Wingo's licks because they don't seem all that difficult, although I'm sure they're more intricate than I realize. As someone who's played guitar for more than 30 years but never evolved beyond a good rhythm player who can play only the most basic leads, I appreciate guitar work that sounds as though if I practiced regularly, I could copy it.

"Dissolving" is another moody, somewhat downbeat song that, like all the songs on this EP, echoed my late-teen/early-20 angst about girls, college, the future, trying to figure out who I was, etc.

The mini-album wraps up with "A Side He'll Never Show," on which Wingo shines for the last minute or so, while Moglia plaintively wails, "It's just a side you will never show," a line that validated my own shyness and unwillingness to share too many details of my private life (traits that carry through to this day, although to a lesser degree).

I'll admit that all these years later the album doesn't work for me as well as it did when I bought it. Part of the reason I liked the album (and the subsequent Under Water) was that nobody else knew about them or cared. I lived in Connecticut and went to college in New Hampshire, far from Crippled Pilgrims' home base in the D.C. area.

I still listen to Head Down -- Hand Out and Under Water, perhaps more for nostalgia's sake these days, than for how much the music moves me. But still, I score this one a hit.

I couldn't locate any videos from the EP, but here's "Down Here" from the full length.



And here's a song by Rambling Shadows, which features Wingo and Moglia, along with a former member of Velvet Monkeys. The music is less subtle than the Pilgrims, fer sure. OK, they're a bar band, and Wingo's solos don't shine like they used to. But here it is anyway.

"Gold Rush"

While flying to Florida two weeks ago on the way to Disney World (see December 9, 2011, "Disney Whirl"), I got hooked on the Discovery Channel's "Gold Rush."

JetBlue has TVs on the back of each and every headrest, with a good selection of channels, ranging from Nickelodeon and Cartoon Network for the kids, to HGTV, History, Discovery, VH1 Classic and all the networks for adults. So much for reading my National Geographic.

So after flipping around, I settled on "Gold Rush," which follows three groups of guys trying to strike it rich by mining for gold in Alaska and Canada's Yukon Territory. This is the second season. In the first season, just one group was featured, and they lost a LOT of money during the course of the 150-day mining season.

This season, the original group, led by the father and son team of Jack and Todd Hoffman, is back, but they failed to make a payment on season one's claim (the land where they mine), so they lost the site to the awesomely monikered "Dakota" Fred Hurt. The third crew is led by 17-year-old (16 when the season started) Parker Schnabel, who is trying to resuscitate his grandfather's mine.

The Hoffman crew buys a new claim 600 miles north of their original site, putting them in the Canadian Yukon. From the few shows I've seen, I can tell you that the Hoffmans are clueless. They make broad statements about where they'll find gold, based not on previous experience, or geological knowledge, but simply on hope alone. They've got a big crew and they bicker about all sorts of things, and end up in lots of predicaments that make for good TV.

As for "Dakota" Fred, he's a gruff straight shooter who takes pride in the fact that he was able to take over the Hoffmans' old claim. But he's no perfect gold miner. He spends a lot of money on equipment and then lots of time trying to figure out how to get it to work. Not that it's easy to dig massive amounts of dirt and rocks, feed it onto a washer and get just the right angle to send water one way, big boulders another way, and miniscule gold flakes and tiny nuggets into the right spot where you can collect them.

Fred is entertaining, but Parker Schnabel is the one I root for, as do most viewers, I imagine. He's a smart, personable kid who's willing to work hard. His grandfather, who the show claims is 91 but who looks to be 15 years younger, appears on occasion to consult with Parker or give him encouragement.

I realize that this show, like just about every other reality show, is scripted at least in part, and that the participants are getting money to be on the show, and probably to cover at least some of their expenses. Still, just as I was once fascinated by how the contestants on "The Apprentice" were able to marshal their business instincts in a very short period of time to create a viable enterprise, and how I currently marvel at how the artists on "Work of Art" can within a 24-hour period manage to gather materials, plan out a project and make it gallery-worthy, I love watching the guys on "Gold Rush" hoisting 30,000 pound machinery while trying not to kill themselves, and figuring out to defeat the permafrost that keeps making their rigs slide to and fro.

While I'm eager to see which of the mining teams will pan out as the winner, I have to say I find it disconcerting just how much these guys have to destroy the environment in order to find mere ounces of gold. I take some solace in the fact that the show demonstrates that previous mining sites have been shown to recover.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go catch up on some back episodes.

Disney Whirl

Walt Disney is the Love God!

I took lots of pictures on our trip to Disney World last weekend, but I find this one to be the most amazing. In a surprise twist, I managed to shed my ironic detachment while at the happiest place on Earth (good... the detachment still works) with Beth and the kids. I'd long dreaded going there, because I thought it would all just be too cheesy and artificial. And, sure, it was, but nobody does cheesy and artificial like the Mousketeers.

We went because Beth received a VIP pass to the park because (name of workplace redacted) has a business relationship with Disney. We flew down last Thursday, and got back late Monday afternoon. We spent three days amid the Mouse-attired masses, and had a fantastic time.

We arrived at the Magic Kingdom on Friday under incredible blue skies, with temps in the mid 70s.



Joining the throngs, we hit Main Street, heading toward the castle. The crowds were bigger than I'd expected -- guidebooks told us that early December is generally somewhat quiet, but we were there during the taping for Disney's Christmas special. There were tons of people in front of the castle listening to "American Idol" winner Scott McCreery singing Christmas tunes in that incredible bass voice of his (I don't like his music, but you can't deny the guy's voice is sumthin' else).

We headed into Tomorrowland, per Owen's request. My got on the People Mover, to get the lay of the land. We did a few rides here, including Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin (which Owen loved so much he worked VERY hard to convince Amelia to do it) and the Speedway.

From there, it was a whirlwind -- the Mad Hatter tea cups, the Magic Carpet Ride, the Haunted House, Splash Mountain, Big Thunder Mountain (roller coaster), Splash Mountain again, lunch, back to Tomorrowland and stuff I'm definitely forgetting. We had dinner back at the hotel and then chilled in our room after a long, happy day.

The next day we went back to the Magic Kingdom in the morning, doing many of the same rides, and adding in It's a Small World (all of us) and the Dumbo the Flying Elephant (Amelia and Beth), and other stuff that I'm forgetting. After chilling back at our hotel (which was in the park and accessible by monorail -- which Owen LOVED), we went to Epcot in the middle of the afternoon.



The highlight of Epcot, and our entire Disney experience, was Soarin', a ride that simulates a hang glider flight over the state of California. We waited for an hour to get in, and there were a few times when I thought we were going to have to bail, but the kids soldiered on and it was obviously worth it.

I won't bore you with all the other stuff we did there, but I will mention that going inside Spaceship Earth is worth it, and Beth and Owen had a great time on the Test Track (while Amelia and I ate ice cream).



On Sunday we went to the Animal Kingdom, which provided yet more terrific rides. The Dinosaur ride was loud, bumpy and a bit too crazy for Amelia (she covered her ears the whole time); the Kali River Rapids was a quick, yet very wet (for Beth and Amelia) ride; and the safari was much better than I was expecting.



I couldn't convince Owen to do Expedition Everest, the largest roller coaster at Disney.



He didn't want to do Space Mountain at the Magic Kingdom, either. No big deal. Next time.

It was at Animal Kingdom that the kids finally got to meet some of the characters, including Goofy, Mickey and Minnie. Here they are with Minnie:



Later in the day, we returned to the Magic Kingdom for our final few hours of Disney. Had we realized the park was closing at 7:00 -- the Disney Christmas party, under a separate admission, was running from 7:00 until midnight -- we probably would have gotten there sooner than 4:15. Anyway, we ran a quick loop around the park doing a few more favorites and then headed back to the hotel for room service.

And that's it. The next morning, we ate breakfast, packed up and headed to the airport. The flight back went smoothly, unlike our trip south, which was delayed an hour and 40 minutes. It's good to be back home, even if the temps have finally dipped from the abnormal 60s we'd been experiencing in New England down to the normal 20s, 30s and 40s.

Finally, I just want to delve a little bit into the history of Disney World. I'm the kind of guy who appreciates a massive amusement megaplex like Disney for the rides and entertainment and food, but can't help thinking about how it all got put together, how it's run behind the scenes and what the landscape looked like before the Mouse stamped his likeness all over everything in sight.

Disney World opened in 1971, 12 years after Walt Disney decided his company needed to open an amusement park east of the Mississippi. After his advance men looked into the possibility of developing an area near Orlando, Florida, Disney flew over the spot in 1963 and liked what he saw: proximity to the planned Interstate 4, the Florida Turnpike and the Air Force base that would become Orlando International Airport (thanks Wikipedia!).

In order to buy up the nearly 28,000 acres around Bay Lake, Disney formed numerous shell corporations with wacky names such as Reedy Creek Ranch Corporation, Latin American Development and Management Corporation and RETLAW (Walter backwards). The land had been acquired in 1912 by the Munger Land Co. and divvied up into 5-acre lots. Since most of the land was swamp, the owners/speculators were more than happy to sell, according to Wikipedia.

Anyway, long story short: Walt Disney died in 1966, five years before the park opened. While I couldn't find any pictures of what the land looked like before the park was built, I did find a cool web site (Daveland!) that has some great early shots of the park.

What Are You Going to Do Next?

Yes, we got a hot tip from Phil Simms about a little resort in Florida built by a guy named Walt Disney. You might know him as the director of the 1928 animated short film, "Steamboat Willie." We're sneaking out of town today and coming back Monday. If you need to contact us, send a telegram to us care of the Contemporary Resort.

The hotel seems to be quite futuristic. In addition to a monorail that runs through the building, the staff also offer jet packs in both adult and kid sizes, to make traveling to and from the various attractions much more exciting.

Owen is excited for something called "Space Mountain," which he assures me will be both exciting and educational. Amelia is so looking forward to Cinderella's Castle, where perhaps we'll sit a spell and drink some tea and eat some scones.

We also plan to visit something called the Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow, or "Epcot." I believe this is where we will refuel our jet packs, and obtain powdered astronaut food.

Finally, our best chums have suggested we fly on over to the Animal Kingdom, where we'll be subject to the whims and vagaries of beast and fowl alike.

Cheerio!